Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with thoughts of you.
I wanted to
call you, to let you know that I think of you often
That my nights are filled
with images of a life long ago,
A life filled with sunshine and flowers, laughter,
warmth and love.
I wanted to
call and just hear your voice, a voice that haunts my thoughts.
I keep
remembering the last words that voice said, they hurt so deep, Scarred.
I picked up the phone and dialed your number,
Digits that are still so fresh in
my mind even after all these years
First ring, second, third....." hello", that voice,
That voice that i
loved so much,
That voice that made so many promises,
That voice that gave so
much pleasure,
That voice that with one single word shattered a dream so
bright......
I hang up.
Because, I remembered that there is somebody else loving that voice now,
Somebody
else, sleeping in those strong arms that used to hold me,
Someone else
staring into those beautiful eyes I adored so much,
Eyes that promised forever.
I wanted to
call and let you know that
I still smile when I remember the nickname you used
to call me,
Sometimes I
can swear I hear it in the whisper of the wind,
When trees sway in May, when
flowers bloom...
I wanted to call and let you know that
I still wear the beautiful necklace you
bought me on my 22nd birthday,
it was from the pawn shop at the corner street
but I cherished it regardless.
I wanted to call and let you know that
I still have the stuffed teddy you gave
me when I came down with a flu,
you said its gonna warm me when you went away
for work,
I still hug it when it gets cold,
When I come down with flu I hold it
expecting you to walk in through the door.
But then that was long ago, when it was just you and I,
When we could just lock
ourselves indoors all weekend,
Make love, eat junk and watch old movies.
When we could
make popcorn from scratch, burn toast while teasing.
I wanted to
call and let you know that
I still wear to bed the T-shirt I grabbed when you
were packing.
That beautiful Sunday morning
When you looked me in the eyes and said that you
have fallen for another,
At first I didn't understand,
thought it was your
funny way of warming yourself to morning sex.
But she called and said she was
waiting,
that you had promised to take her shopping later.
You said you still
loved me, but it wasn't enough anymore,
That you needed to move on and discover
the world, so
I watched as
my dream became a flat line, as the clouds turned grey in mourning,
I watched as
she came around to help you get the bags in the car,
I watched as
you kissed her, watched as you opened the car door for her,
Watched as you
waved good bye and drove off.
I wanted to
call and ask what she has been like to you,
If winters are better without me,
Wanted to know if you are happy with the blue eyed girl,
Wanted to let you know
that I found another who loves me,
Who kisses the ground I walk on,
but I still
hold on to these memories of a life long ago.
Memories of a rough voiced,
rugged faced man.
Memories of a winter when long ago I lost my heart.
I hang up because it hurt to remember.
